hiltymooooo:

I can’t make you love me - Tim Fergusson

temp? perm?

You were the one who left me broken hearted, and now you’re back? How long this time? A couple of hours, days, weeks, months, one year, forever maybe?


Everything I thought I would never hear come out of your mouth ever again, came out. A whole month and I finally heard it all in one night. 
After one whole month, you finally decided to speak to me??

What took you so long though? Was it time that you really needed? 
Or am I just a backup? Better yet, a rebound? Did things not workout for you and someone you were trying to make your significant other?

Numerous times I fought with myself, wondering why? Why this? Why that? All I could do was try to substitute answers that I thought were suitable for my questions. I was so confused. It was like trying to take a picture with a camera that could not focus or traveling on an unknown road without a GPS.

What was right? What was wrong? Were you in love? I came to realize that with love there is not a right or wrong answer. At any moment a couple could fall in love, and at any moment a couple could fall out of love. Of course, falling out is a lot messier, usually one person loses feelings first and the other is left wondering why? But to sit and ponder about love and why things didn’t fall into place was a waste of time. Not because the love wasn’t real, but because love isn’t rational. There was nothing more I could have possibly done to change the situation. The more I contemplated and tried to explain to myself, the less I understood and the more questions I had left unanswered. I could’ve came up with many possible reasons why things didn’t work out, but where would that get me? It certainly did not get me the one thing I wanted most, and that was you. All I could do was care about you from afar because I wasn’t able to do so up close.

Looking back at all the times I called you after we broke up I made myself look like a fool. Well from the opinion of others thats what I made myself look like, a fool. None of that mattered to me though. 

I tried so hard to keep you and I definitely do not regret anything at all. Was it worth calling and texting you all those times?
Of course it was. To me, I’d rather live with the consequences than the what-ifs. I could handle the mistakes, the failures, the shortcomings, but I can’t deal with the regret of never trying. You were my everything and I couldn’t let you go that easily without a fight.

People walk in and out of our lives all the time and it’s our choice whether someone stays or goes.

Back to that night at Chad’s though. My mind is still stuck. Were those words you were saying actually how you felt? Or words that you knew I wanted to hear?

“I miss you”.. Damn. those words almost made me break down, but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure if you were being honest. Do you really? Do you really miss me; me, the one person that wanted and tried to make you happy but failed and did otherwise. 
Is it me you really miss? Or is it the idea of a someone there? 

Everything you said that night made time stop, my whole world froze and left me speechless. I was not expecting any of that, everything was happening so fast and I have to say, I was a bit overwhelmed. You hugging me and holding me. For a moment it made all my problems and worries disappear. All the memories and feelings that i tried so hard to push and burry away came rushing back so fast. Oh how I missed your touch..  That night felt surreal. Hearing everything you said, made me think that you actually might want to try it again. But what do you want? Please help me because my heart and head are constantly arguing and I don’t know which one to listen to.

I just need to know what you want? What are your intentions now or later? Anything would be good, just some clarification of what you want. What do you want from me? us? yourself? I just don’t want to think there is hope if this isn’t what you want. Where do we stand?? I don’t want to play games anymore..  

As handsome as you are, and sweetest you could be..

Idk if you are the one. 

Give it time and see if i find anything.. change maybe?
cause right now, we are just so different, yet the same in a way… o_O 

ahh…  

crazchikphem:

Waking up next to you, holding me and me kissing your cheeks/ lips endlessly..

if you cared, you would have bothered to talk to me. obviously you don’t.

for you, I was just a chapter. for me, you were a whole book.

you were my flashlight, you were my safety. I didn’t have to worry about things when you were with me. now that you’re gone, i’m left alone in the dark with no direction..

Hey, we’re still young right? Why am I acting like im old & there’s no chance to find someone right? Why am I stressing over someone who doesn’t care about me? Why am I moping around acting like it’s the end of the world? Why am I still paying attention to someone who doesn’t even acknowledge me?
Fuck it. Maybe that person is wrong for me. or Maybe that person is right, but it just isn’t the right time. Maybe I already met the right person, but I don’t realize it yet. Maybe I’m going too, soon. Who knows? We’re still young. Live a little. Have some fun..

sigh.. sucks to know that you don’t want to be with me.. that I cannot bring you the happiness you want =/ 

to be so mad at someone & in that moment while you’re mad at them, you say things like “I can’t take it anymore, I’m done, it’s over”? But deep down, your feelings for them are still there, you can’t find it in yourself to let go, even though you know you deserve better, you want THEM to start BEING BETTER, you think about the good times you had together & don’t let the bad outweigh the good? That despite all the bullshit that person gives you, you still see the good in them when no one else can? Fuck it. Call me stupid. I choose to stay in a bad relationship, cause what relationship doesn’t have flaws? I just don’t wanna deal with no one else but that one person…

I just hope one day him and I can be together again..  

Since I’ve lost you, my smurfs have lost me..

haven’t checked on them since you and I were together..

I miss you more eachday

i’m so not ready, nor am I even close too being there.

foo, I just got out of a relationship and i’m heart broken. do you really want me? i’m broken and there’s no way i’m going to be fixed anytime soon. i’m still in love with him and your going to throw questions like that at me? thanks for being there for me but that’s not where I saw our friendship going.. understand that i’m vulnerable so don’t take advantage of that. please. it took a lot out of you to come to me and confess all your feelings but I m sorryy. you know what you were getting yourself into. you know what a mess I am right now and telling me all that isn’t really helping you out much. if anything its pushing me father away from you.